Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
