Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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