Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
