you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
