I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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