wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
