Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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