Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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