I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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