I am in a vortex of obligation.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Its about making memories worth repressing
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
