oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
