We named our party play list daddy issues
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
