Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
