In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
