Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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