Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
