OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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