Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
