Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
