Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
