she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
