My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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