I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
People in love make me want to vomit
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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