you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
