Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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