I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
