you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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