I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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