So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
