broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
