I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize