Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
