So gin and wine won't be happening again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
