If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
