i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
