i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
