I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
