Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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