So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
