Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
