dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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