May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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