Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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