Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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