Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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