I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
