I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
