I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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