4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize