dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
