i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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