just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
