I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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