TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
