He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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