my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
40s are totally the cure
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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