booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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