how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
