She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
