Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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