she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
