I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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