i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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