Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize