Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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