So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
