I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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