he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
