Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
