cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
