at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
