do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
