Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
