brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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