So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We smell like vodka and hangover
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