i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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