The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
