I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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