1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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