Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
