Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
