I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
