I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
