Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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