don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
