I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
