I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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