Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
