How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
