I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
